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Are you ready to jump off that drama trauma train?
Written by Tonya Somers of

The term “Soul Mate,” is very commonly misunderstood and frequently misused. This is because the “900 number” commercials use the term soul mate frequently, loosely and highly incorrect. It is constantly being confused with the term “Twin Flame”. Our culture would lead you to believe that you have found your other half, while in reality, you have found only ONE of your many SOUL MATES. We can have as many 50,000 soul mates, we will all find what Tonya refers to this as your tribe, you just recognize the person at the store and do not know why, but you start up a conversation and now you are tribal friends for life! Sometimes a soul mate is a very loving partner but in most cases, the best mate is brand new, when there is no past life karma at all. Not a member of your tribe and not your twin flame, these relationships will always work out together lifetime through.

The bad soul mate’s they should really come with a huge warning label on the forehead:


Soul mates come into our lives to teach us lessons. These lesson givers quite often come into our lives as alcoholics, abusers, gamblers, addicts, cheaters (once a cheater always a cheater), have depression issues, had a dysfunctional childhood, a drama queen or king, sex-addicts, bosses, emotionally unavailable or your best friend’s mate. This sounds like half the population but beware of the true nature of the bad soul mate, usually, addiction is their mate. There is always an issue to deal with them from a past life or unfinished soul mate business. You might have been married before and one of you was really controlling and this time it is their turn to control and manipulate you.

The trick is to remember you can choose to play the game or walk away. Ask for the lesson, get the answer and then – JUST RUN FAST.

Are you about to become caught up in the constant chaos they will bring into your life? Will your soul mate become your addiction? Before you step into this mess that you may wish later you could just scrape off your shoes, ask yourself, would you fix this person up with your best friend or even a stranger? If not, why would you date them yourself? There will always be a messy complication, with a wheelbarrow full of excuses, along with the confusion of a huge amount of electricity and chemistry to keep you in the game.


That’s our own intuition talking to us. Unfortunately with a soul mate, often times we choose to ignore all the warning signs. Often we do not even like this person when we first meet them, but we allow this lesson into our lives anyway. Yes, it makes us stronger and hopefully we learn not to repeat the same relationship mistakes. The Universe will continue to bring these soul mate lessons until we learn, they get bigger and harder, so try to learn quickly!

The truth is, a soul mate will always come into your life with major KARMA for you to deal with. The good news is you do not have to play. You can choose to not engage in the lesson (hopefully, because you have already learned it). If you choose to stay and play, be sure to hang on (mostly to your sanity), because this is when the roller coaster ride starts and all the games begin!

Every relationship is a mirror that helps us to learn more about ourselves. They are the most challenging and most rewarding aspects of life. The more intimate the relationship the greater the opportunity for growth we are gifted. If an issue or person has an emotional “charge” to it, then you still have work to be done. This mirror is the hardest to look at because it reflects the issues you have not yet finished in your life. These are the things that we are the blindest to.

The biggest issue is this; no one likes to look in their own mirror. It can be an ugly dark place and have to admit that it is our image, UGH, who wants to.

Self-understanding is the entire reason for these mirrors — not to ‘fix’ the other person, but to look at yourself and learn. The primary reason for most soul mate relationships is so you can work on your spiritual self and your karma! So with that said, the more you clear up issues for yourself and the more YOU ARE the ‘right’ person; the sooner you will attract the love you deserve and have been looking for.

In a soul mate relationship, there is always a connection between you from prior lives. Keep in mind, that you can have as many as 50,000 soul mates in one lifetime. You have not been happily married to each of them but in some cases, you have killed each other or you may have been each other's parents, siblings or battling next-door neighbors.

Quite often in readings, Tonya will see a similar pattern for many couples. For example, when a couple is experiencing a horrible sex life, it is often because they were siblings or parents to you, in a past life and therefore the intimate relationship in their current life just feels so wrong.   In many cases, issues are reversed from lifetime to lifetime so that we might or should learn how the other person felt.

Whenever you consider breaking up with a soul mate, it seems like A GIANT MAGNET appears in the sky making you both run into each other in the strangest of places. Soul mates can feel you come in the door when you come home or know when you are in a crowded place. A soul mate can project his/her thoughts onto you so it becomes unclear if you are thinking of them or they are projecting their thoughts on you so that you cannot tell if they are thinking of you, or you are missing them. It takes a lot to break free from a soul mate and a twin flame that is just too strong, often times you will break up 6 to 20 times.

A word of warning if you choose to marry one of your soul mates: Do NOT COMPLAIN constantly to your friends and family about your relationship. They will not understand that you have chosen each other as a contract of lessons and you will only make the other people in your life despise your spouse. Call Tonya Somers or your therapist – but by all means not your family.

The term “Soul Mate,” is very commonly misunderstood and frequently misused. A soul mate should come with a huge warning label on their forehead. It is an entirely different experience from when your “Twin Flame” comes into your life with a completely clean slate. They are ready for you and the life you are both about, to begin with, no drama at all.

You will both be single at the time of meeting, if you are seeing someone partnered up or married they are not your twin flame. Both of you are then are on different paths and it is just not to meant to be in this lifetime. You may just meet to say “hello” I can see you and I know you are here & then it is a fast goodbye.

One thing to know about an actual twin flame is that we all only get one! This happens when our soul splits in half as our soul is first born, sometimes we find and join with them in our lifetime and sometimes we never meet. However, your lives will be clean, clear and totally single at the moment you meet – with no complications at all. Now the big thing you need to really know is that when two twins come together they can move Heaven and Earth, the energy is like they are two mountains.

It just so happens they are both live volcanoes when together, their love life will feel like floating out of the body into the ethers and is never the same again with anyone else. Their energy is HUGE together sometimes it is too hard to handle for one of them or both they try but they cannot seem to make it work. This can be the biggest physical hurt your heart will ever feel, you know that cracked heart picture we have all seen, it will be like that.

The first year of any relationship you are building the foundation, see your buddies and keep your hobbies this will build a healthy long lasting love life together. Twin flame or not – NOT ONE – person can ever be your entire entertainment or your answer to everything, you need your hobbies, siblings, friends, and pets. In the first year, both you and your partner work to train each other on how you want and expect to be treated. This is a very important phase during in your relationships and both partners should listen to one another or there will be endless regrets. Eventually, as with all new relationships the beginning rush of love will partially wear off and desire to see our friends and have time alone can begin. This is why it is so important to not change your life entirely when you meet your partner. Maintaining those relationships and hobbies will allow the space and minimize the jealousy and insecurities when you want to re-engage back in your life, friendships, and hobbies.

Twin Flames

Twin flames are ourselves in another body. When we have reached the stage where we are capable of giving unconditional love, we then have the opportunity to reconnect with our “other half” or twin flame. The chances are that we meet our twin flame however ever so briefly in many lifetimes, but one or both of us are not ready for the intensity of this connection. When both halves of the whole are ready to come back together and meet they will discover that in their lifetime they have lead almost parallel lives. They have lived in the same cities, sometimes on the same block at the same time, they have worked at the same job as you, in the warehouse far away, same schools, even same grade you may have had the same friends but you may have never met.

The events of their lives will mirror each other almost exactly. They may have come from very similar families and family dynamics. They may have had similar schooling or lack thereof. They may have crossed paths socially or lived close by to each other and never known it. They may have almost identical careers. They may even have previous marriages and divorces within weeks of each other. When twin flames get to know each other, they will feel as if the other is reading their life script. That is not to say they are identical people, but they are perfectly complementary to each other.

When twin flames meet for the first time in a physical life, they recognize themselves in the other person. This will come as a deep surprise to both, but the recognition is immediate. At the same time, you will feel that you have always known this person who is sitting in front of you. It is a feeling of homecoming because you recognize your other self and feel very much that you have come home when you are with your spiritual counterpart. Be aware that soul mates also have a strong recognition pattern, only there will be that little voice in your head that knows the difference. If it feels too familiar, like a family type of familiar that is a soul mate just another huge lesson – not a twin flame.

When twin flames come together they become one, they are not like each other but they are the mirror image of the other. They think alike, they hold the same values and often their life experiences are very similar. Twin flames do not teach each other, they learn together and help each other learn the lessons that have been set before them in this lifetime. When twin flames come together they can join forces and are capable of overcoming obstacles the average mortal could not begin to face. They are so filled with unconditional love they literally glow with it and have much to share with others. They are the inspiration that poets write about and singers sing about, they are always touching and it makes some people uncomfortable to be around them out of jealousy.

Once in a while twin flames will come together and not be able to make it work, this is only because you have chosen different life lessons this time around and you do not fit as lovers, but you can be best friends, if handled right. Like Tonya said earlier – sometimes this energy is like a volcano and it is too much.

Fortunately, you also have Tonya Somers to help you determine the difference. When you are ready to break your unhealthy patterns of attracting unhealthy soul mates, it will be time to call Tonya, she has many tools to help you set you free. Tonya can help you attract your twin flame or at the very least, someone you have no karma with so that you can go into a relationship with a clean slate. You deserve a lifetime love – a forever home – as said in a dog rescuer’s life – same for us humans, we all deserve a forever home and a forever love. But we do not deserve to work like it is a 3rd and the 4th job to stay in a relationship that is a huge amount of constant work.

There can be a happy medium in love. No one is perfect and not one person can make us totally happy, we need to make ourselves happy first. Love needs to be a bonus, an additional bonus to everyday life and never a negative. Pick your dysfunction that you can live within this lifetime when you marry someone you marry their karma, and the family issues too.

The first year of any relationship you are building the foundation, see your buddies and keep your hobbies this will build a healthy long lasting love life together. In the first year, you train your partner how you want and expect to be treated, make sure in that year you teach them that, allow yourself to be trained at the same time – or forever be sorry. Eventually, the beginning of love wears off and we all miss our buddies and time alone, never stop seeing them then later you can avoid the questions, why now? When you want to start seeing your friends again, why now, what is wrong with us just hanging out, don’t ever give them the reason to feel jealous, bring them along when possible and never exclude your partner on purpose – then it will be healthy.

Posted on February 11, 2019
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